I had to do it! That is the simple answer! I got sick of the 9-5 lifestyle that I was stuck in. I realised I was no more than a biological robot, with no control over my life. I had brought into the propoganda. Work to live and live to work. I was trapped in the cycle, the cycle of consumerism. I had to work to buy the things that were supposed to make me happy when I wasn't working to buy the things that were supposed to make me happy!At the same time making myself sick and , my health was suffering, my mind was suffering, everything was negative. There had to be more to life than this, there just had t0 be More 2This!!I wanted to change my life around, I wanted to escape. I didn't know how, but I knew I had to escape.After searching the web, I realised that whilst there was so much information out there, it was difficult to find somewhere which wasn't the ***ultra positive selfhelp site, where you have to buy tons or stuff or there is just so much to search through ****. I wanted to find somewhere where the people got me, people understood me.Most of the resources I found (and this included self-help) books, I found quite patronising. They also seemed to focus on how great there lives were, and I some cases they seemed to be written by people who were already living pretty good lives already. I wanted to know more about the journey, about smaller steps I could take to change mylife around, with helpful tips.How to make millions, how to do this and that, turn your life around in 20 days. Maybe I just don't work that way, and actually I am not sure I want a million dollars (or pounds!), I just want to enjoy life, having enough to get by on. There was little out there for me.So I started this site. Well I have started on the journey. I thought that I would like to share it with others, and hopefully provide some inspiration to other people in similar situations.The site might sometimes be negative, sometimes positive, but always HONEST. That is the mantra of this site.This is my journey, you are more than welcome to tag along for a bit or for a while, that is upto you! But all I hope is that you find some of it useful and a guide on your journey.Peace
Time...where does it go?
Where is time going? It is literally disappearing! A fair bit has happened since the last post! I don't know where to start, so perhaps instead of focusing on the past, I will just say that there are a quite a few things happening in the future! I am still working on a new version of this website and I have a few new pieces of music to upload to the new site, including a piece I just finished which I really think is great (well I like it!).I have been reading quite a few books recently and they are all really great. It is so good to be able to finish one good book and start another one straight away.As well as all this reading I have been having a real big clear out of all my stuff, and I am totally downsizing my studio to focus exactly on the work I want to do. As I have mentioned, I will be posting a lot of new stuff when I get my new site finished. I am not sure when this will be as I have just embarked on a 4 month IT contract in London, which is going to suck most of my time in the short term.Not the most exciting post I am afraid, but I will leave with a great quote I have just found.A Senecan praemeditatio The wise will start each day with the thought.....Fortune gives us nothing which we can really own.Nothing, whether public or private, is stable; the destinies of men, no less than those of cities, are in a whirl.Whatever structure has been reared by a long sequence of years, at the cost of great toil and through the great kindness of the gods, is scattered and dispersed in a single day.No, he who has said 'a day' has granted too long a postponement to swift misfortune; an hour, an instant of time, suffices for the overthrow of empires.How often have cities in Asia, how often in Achaia, been laid low by a single shock of earthquake? How many towns in Syria, how many in Macedonia, have been swallowed up? How often has this kind of devastation laid Cyprus in ruins?We live in the middle of things which have all been destined to die.Mortal have you been born, to mortals have you given birth.Reckon on everything, expect everything.
Clone Wars
So I am currently back in the rat race, luckily only for a short period. I am having to do the commute into London everyday and it is currently taking between an hour and a half and two hours each way. Such a good use of time (!).But I have to say how much it strikes me, looking at people on the train, how people are just becoming like clones.They just seem to be doing the same thing day in day out, year after year, there is not a happy face to be seen anywhere. Not a random act of kindness, just misery and brooding anger under the surface just waiting to snap (and I have already witnessed a few cases of it snapping). Just how important is that seat on the train when it strips you of your dignity? how good do you really feel Mr City guy when you manage to get a seat infront of a pregnant woman?Just how important is it to have to wait as someone else goes through the ticket gate instead of pushing in front trying to save an extra second or two?Why clones? Well just sitting watching all these people, all in the same clothes, the same iPods, the same papers getting being feed views on the world from a bias media. Reading magazines about what celebreties are doing, as if you know them and if being famous for being on Big brother really is an achievement to be proud of. Maybe I am being stereo typical, but it is hard to see anyone there thinking for themselves. They are doing a job to get the money to buy the treats to take away the pain of doing the job. Yes i know we need money to live and pay the bills, so we are really in a catch 22 situation. I guess for me it is a case of downsizing, finding more work which is fullfilling, educational, ethical, makes me want to jump up in the morning. Once your basic needs are met, what more do we really need? Friends, Family, experiences, time to think?I guess this is quite a negative post, but it has just struck me how futile life in the west is. Is money making these people happy? I mean truly happy? Are we really free? I mean that is the other thing that struck is just the amount of CCTV cameras....everywhere. Life really is becoming a Orwell predicted in 1984. We are all being watched to make sure we conform, feed media propaganda (in most cases!), lawful protest being outlawed, fighting a perpetualwar against an unseen enemy (war on concept), provided with mindless tittle tattle without which we aren't worthy of being part of society. Fear of speaking your mind. The only safe place is in your head.Yes I have been a clone, trying to buy happiness through things rather than through actions. This has been awake up call for me. Having just had my birthday, I have realised that time is flying by and I am wasting so much of it caught up with this way of thinking. Time to focus on real goals and real experience. Time to live!PeaceNeil
Clear out!
I have been having a big clear out of all my stuff and I am now approaching with trepidation the wonderful world of ebay. Yes after all these years, I haven't sold or brought something on the mighty 'bay. I feel so out of touch with the world. I guess like my Granddad feels when he goes into McDonalds!
I am sure it can't be that hard! I have had a fair bit of success with selling books and dvd's on Amazon and it feels great to see the pile slowly getting smaller. Sadly haven't mad to much money, but every bit helps to clear the debt mountain (ironically the mountain created by buying the items in the first place!). I have come to realise that much of the things I have brough we treats to get me through the miserable jobs I have had in the past. Buyinga book or magazine at lunchtime was an excuse to go out at lunch time and have a little treat to give me 10 minutes of pleasure in a miserable existence.
Sadly I am back in that place right now, but I am managing to get through without the treats (at the moment),instead I am writing in a jounral as an outlet for my thoughts (oh and reading all the books I have but haven't read yet!).
I am also having a studio clearout as I have a fair bunch of stuff now that just doesn't get used. Basically because I do everything on the computer now. I have some great synths/samplers from Native Instruments especially
and my fav!!
Reaktor(which means I can build any synth I like!) as well as Reason which serves as a good bread and butter synth module and Cameleon for something a little bit more 'out there'.
The main redundant item, is my Yamaha AW4416. A great unit (if a little noisy!) which If I was recording bands I would probably keep, but it is one of things (just like computers!) that you pay a real fortune for when they come out and then find that the second hand market values is about a tenth ofwhat you paid! Such is life I guess. I should have followed my own advice and invest in items which keep value(preamps, microphones). Basically applied my guitar buying philosophy to recording gear!
Hmm what a rambling post!
Peace
N
When did we stop listening to music?
Today for the first time in...well I don't know how long....I listened to an album...all the way through! Yes all the way through. No skipping, jumping, random shuffle. Just 60 mins of music. It struck me that I get the feeling that people don't tend to do this much any more? Why? Maybe it is just me. Is it because we don't have the time any more? Is it because most albums now really consist of one or two great songs and the rest are fillers? Is it because CD are longer, maxing out at 74 mins which the record company try and fill.
Do we appreciate music any more, I mean yes we do, but has it changed. Top 10 music is on a whole pretty dire, and as each year goes by, the turnover gets greater. I am not going to start an arguement about the 'quality' of music today verses that of days gone by...as there are still many talented people out there and some really good bands/composers etc. But they struggle to make it into our lives as they are competing against what I would like to call 'product', 95% I would say of 'pop' artists are manufactured product, like a McDonalds BigMac or gap teeshirt or an underarm deoderant.
We need the quick fix, and we need to know that we are listening to 'whats in'. We don't have time to develop relationships with music any more, or artists. We just get our quick fix on a song from a manufactured celeb who will disappear in to the hole they came from as quickly as they appeared.
What am I trying to say? I think that I wish I had the time to sit a listen to music again. Not on a walkman, but at home on a stereo. I agree that music is competing against other distractions (TV/games/internet) and I could easily turn the TV off and listen to a cd, but I just don't get that excitement of running home with the latest CD from my favourite band, or an album recommended/lent to me by a friend and sticking it on and basking in its aural wonder. It just doesn't seem to happen any more. Of course I have the old favourites, but nothing new. The bands I loved seem to be all turning out mediocre efforts these days, pastching themselves even. Does truly great music come from those who are struggling to 'make it', and when they have they stop. I guess not, Peter Gabriel is one example that springs to mind, but then again he only puts out and album once every 10 years these days!
Look at the Rolling Stones and be honest....what have they done lately? They are still playing the first tunes they had written (classics of course), but their 80/90/00's efforts are well...terrible!). I guess I could role off endless bands who have fallen into this. I guess once you have the rewards (£'s) then the motivation/invention/inspiration goes. I mean many Classical composer were never famous or wealthy during their lives and continued to create timeless music until they die. Is that another question? Does weath stifle creativity? Do you have to be poor to produce good art?
Or does this relate to 'quality'? When you are stuggling to make a work of art and have no income, you want to make it the best piece of work possible. When you struggle to do a day job and produce your art in your spare time, do you put more effort into it? Enjoy it more for the escape that it is. I guess the Blues is testiment to that!
Nowadays I might listen to a couple of songs, flicking through before they get to the end. Is it just me?
Will listening to an album ever be cool again?
Peace
N
Ps The album I listened to was Badmotorfinger by Soundgarden
The land of the free?
So we live in a free country. We have the right to vote and freedom of speech, innocent until proven guilty. But why then do I not feel free? Is it because my image is recorded on more than 700 CCTV cameras everyday? Is it because my car is logged into each and every petrol station/motorway junction/town center I go through? Is it because each and every purchase I make on a card is logged. Is it because certain governments require 37 pieces of information on me before they let me enter their country (I am still not sure how knowing what I had to eat on a plane, can determine if I am a terrorist....Oops I had the fish...doh). Is it because every access I make to a train station is logged and timed? The bus I get on........Well if you have nothing to hide, then what are you worried about? Well nothing, I have nothing to hide. But who's to say who determines what is right or wrong? The potential for misuse of this data is incredible.I mean..."Sorry that I was late boss, I missed my bus"....well actually I missed my bus because I was checking out a magazine in the shop....Oops the whole incident is logged on CCTV. No excuse!I fear that we are becoming reliant on technology to reduce crime and stop terrorism. But machines can't determine the subtleties right or wrong, they have no concept of the situation. Speed cameras are great, yes they flash when you are above a certain speed, I have no problem with that, but the new cameras which fine you if you stopped in a yellow box...What are they about?? Yes it is against the highway code to stop in a yellow box, if you can not exit. But sometimes (as happened to me recently) you enter the box when your exit is clear, but then some idiot jumps infront of you and leaves you stranded in the box. Who gets the fine? You do...why? Because the camera only knows the rules, it can not determine what cause the situation to happen.Now scale this up to the level of all the other hi-tech surveillance that is going on? If people aren't interrupting the data but machines, then there will be thousands of mistakes. You make a phone call, but you have a speech impediment and you want to say 'Your mumma' but is sounds like 'Osama'. Wow terrorist alert! It is scary to think that a simple slip of the tongue, or a simple careless accident could lead you into jail. I guess this helps governments with the easy targets, the real criminals will always get by. Just like credit card fraud....banks try harder and harder to stop this by making life harder and harder for legitimate users to access their own money. But the organised gangs can walk into a bank and withdraw huge amounts of cash with ease.One day we will all be criminals if we are not careful, it could be for just buying the wrong brand of chocolate for example...Okay that maybe extreme. But imagine this, a corporation which sells chocolate, buys an insurance company. You have insurance with that company, but like another brand of chocolate. Could you forfeit your policy if you became ill, by being seen or logged eating the wrong brand?You walk down the street, some litter falls out of your backpack, CCTV picks it up and issues you with a fine (but you are totally unaware). But you say "that is just silly!!", but it is an easier offence to collect a fine from, rather than someone who murdered someone. It has great potential to make money for the government. It is great for their statistics.I guess these thoughts seem puerile and maybe are a tad silly. But being watched 24/7 isn't good for a person. Where is the trust, where is common sense? Has serious crime ceased or decreased thanks to these cameras? No it has gone up! But so has the number of law abiding people being fined for petty offences.I am scared! I mean what about the web, could I get in trouble for this post? I mean my web access is logged, who is to say that one day the government might take offense at those who read indymedia? Or theGuardian newspaper or the fact that once you clicked on a porn link by mistake. Who is to say that this info could be used against you when applying for a job....hmm well you read a liberal newspaper...you must be a free thinker....we have no room for those here. You once viewed a porn site, you are a pervert, you view sites on environmental issues and thus are a hippy tree hugger. You like to watch the 'subversive' South Park......and so on.Yes these might sound like trivial things.....But with all this surveillance, who determines what is wrong or right? Who watches the watchers? How did George Orwell get it SO right?PeaceNeil
Ironing
Really what is the point. Yes I used to iron, but try to get away if i can (email me for my handy clothes drying technique which leaves the clothes flat without the need for ironing). In fact I used to iron a fair bit...towels, sheets etc....and then it struck me what I complete waste of time and therefore life it is. Nowadays I have to iron shirts for work...wow what a complete waste of my life that is!!! As if going to the office and doing the job isn't wasting my short time on planet earth enough. But that got me thinking...really do we need to do as much ironing as we do? How many man/woman/person hours a lost each year to having a firm collar.
Don't get me wrong, having an unironed shirt does look very scruffy, but hey man I don't want to conform to the who corporate uniform thing. If I have an important occassion to go to, family dinner, wedding etc, then yes the use of time to iron a shirt is a good use to time. But to go to work...hmmm.....I guess I am just reaching my rebellion phase a little late in life....or perhaps I have always been a rebel, not wanting to conform to the 'squares'.
So what would I wear to work then? Well ofcourse I would want to look smart, who wouldn't, but I think I can achieve that without the CorporoUniform of shirt and tie...and without the shirt...there would be no ironing require (see my tip!!) and I would get to save time to enjoy each of the precious moments I am given on this world.
Ironing huh what is it good for?....absolutly nothing....say it again now.
Peace
N